Humans always resist change; it’s an
instinctive thing. But sometimes something happens that forces a natural change
in the way we perceive and pursue our lives. It may be true love, a near-death
experience, or just an awakening of one’s trapped soul through a poignant or
traumatic experience. It may sound rather obnoxious, but the latter works well
for the betterment of many lives.
Are you happy? Are you living the
life you’ve always dreamed of? If you were to die today, would you be contented
with the life you’ve led? Most people would answer no to all of the above
questions, not because they lead an incongruous or miserable life, but simply
because we’ve been taught to aspire to more than what would satisfy our basic
needs, with happiness promised to come along the way. As kids we were taught of humility, kindness,
acceptance and appreciation. As we grew older, we learnt of the importance of
dreams and higher aspirations, and that being happy translated into being
better than others; achieving better grades at school, a better college degree,
landing a better job, finding a better partner, and owning better assets. Happiness
would never be at the core of any of those dreams because it was unsurprisingly
expected at the end of each goal. The truth is, the more we are closer to realising
a dream, the higher our expectations grow. Happiness becomes secondary, as we
work harder to realise our next dream on the list.
We constantly hear of success
stories about people who pursued a life-long dream of becoming entrepreneurs or
artists of any sort. We may have wondered about their sheer luck or how things
must have been so easily laid out in front of them, and secretly wished that
one day things would work out the same way for us. But that’s about all we’d
do: wonder and hope. Little do we think of the experiences they must have had
that led to the change in their lives. One fact remains, though: those who sit
and watch are ignoring their very own experiences and missing on the chances
they get.
Once
upon a time I was one of those who sat, watched and waited for luck to drop on
my doorstep. Anyone looking at me from the outside would firmly believe I was a
happy person. I had a beautiful, loving family, received an exceptional
education and had a great job where I earned enough money to spend on shopping
and travelling. I was still single, my car was stolen and I was struggling to
pay off my loan and credit card payments but, hey, everyone has their
misfortunes! Don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining or being unappreciative.
I was just like everyone else,
living to realise my silly dreams and waiting for happiness to tag along. Up
until one evening when I received the tragic news of the death of one of my
dearest friends. A young mother of two, my friend was covertly fighting illness
for many years. The news of her preordained death was devastating for me,
mostly because I hadn’t seen her in 10 months and kept postponing my trip to
see her for so long. My feelings were those of disbelief, grief and guilt. For days
I locked myself in my room and refused to accept condolences in fear of confronting
the reality of her passing away. I was
too afraid to speak to our common friends lest our memories together would come
flooding back. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, and I had to pull myself
together and get back to my life. But surprisingly, those days of grieving instigated
the change in my life that was yet to come. Days later, when my late friend’s
will was publicly shared, I cried so hard; I cried at her counting her
blessings and revealing her happiness, despite her pain and suffering; I cried
at my shallowness and inane use of my life as an excuse! Why had I been blaming
life for my unhappiness when, in fact, I was responsible for my own happiness? Why
was I waiting for a godsend when I held the keys to my joy all along? Why had I
been turning a blind eye to all the great things I possess?
That’s when I decided to pursue a
different path. I started by listing everything in my life that either made me
happy or sorry. I forwent the reasons, simply because that didn’t matter. It
was about how I chose to adopt the things that cause happiness and bring out
the best in me, and eliminate the things I hate. It was also about the way I wanted
to see things. I was no longer going to grief about the loss of my car because
the joy of sharing a car with my sister or carpooling with friends was more
valuable. I was going to cherish every good and bad day with my parents and
siblings because I never know when I’d be robbed of the love and joy of a family
that loves me endlessly.
And then came the part where I
questioned what I was doing. I knew for a fact that I was unhappy at my job. I
loved my career but my current job had been a cause of depression for years and,
even worse, the melancholy followed me home. All the things I had once enjoyed
had vanished, and I always gave myself the lamest of excuses. The decision I
was about to take seemed irrational and dicey to everyone around me, but I was now
in control of my life. I was going to pursue happiness, not dreams that promise
happiness.
I resigned from my job. No, I didn’t
have any other opportunities; I wasn’t even searching. When I was asked why I
had resigned I would always give an honest answer: I’m not happy and I’m going
to find happiness. My four-week notice was the best period I had ever lived. I
would gleefully jump out of bed every morning and arrive at the office with a
wide smile on my face. I could feel myself glowing as I was finally letting go
of something that made me unhappy. My job wasn’t a nightmare and I loved my
colleagues dearly, but I was unhappy and nowhere near achieving any of my former
dreams.
I prepared a long list of the things
I would do once my break begins; things that would make me happy. I didn’t know
how long it would last and, honestly, it didn’t matter. I had a lot of
activities lined up for a year to come. I would finally get back to reading and
finish off the unread books in my bookcase. I would start writing again and
work on the book I promised my friends to write. I would pamper myself to a day
at the spa, spend the evening watching a great movie and then go to bed early.
I would wake up with the sun and spend long hours in my crafts studio working
on those unfinished projects. I would allocate time for my gift basket business.
And most importantly, I would spend quality time with my family and friends,
without having to concurrently check my email every other second or work on a
report or presentation.
Oh don’t we all wish we could live
that life, without having to worry about a thing? I’ve heard that statement from
almost everyone I know and, yes, I’m fully aware of my responsibilities and
commitments. I still have to take care of my loan payments, but that doesn’t mean
I have to be unhappy doing that. I’m going to earn money doing the things I
love and enjoy doing, and that’s what everyone else seems to be ignoring.
Everyone has at least one great talent they excel at, but what are they doing
about it? I was already freelancing as an occasional ‘mystery shopper’ and
previously as a writer for several publications and corporations. I was going
to request more service checks and look for additional writing assignments. I
was also going to put more efforts into marketing my business and hopefully
make more money out of it. Of course this is not my long-term plan, but I’ll
just focus on doing the things that make me happy and bring out the best in me
until I come across the perfect job opportunity that would still keep me happy.
Thank you, Amera, for changing my life...
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